In the early 1980’s, my grandparents, Emerson and Lois McBay, with whom I had lived most of my life at the time, adopted me and I became their son. I am thankful to have had them as grandparents and parents, as they both passed on many years ago. The fact of my adoption is part of my history, and therefore, part of my children’s history as well. Even so, it’s not something I dwell on or ponder often.

Those who know me know that I maintain relationships with my Mother and Father, even though, geography and work schedules hinder my ability to see them very often. My children know them as their grandparents. So, Ron, where are you going this time?

I recently sat down with a mother who was in my office to sign the consent forms necessary to allow her parents to adopt her children. Consent by a natural parent must be voluntary and I take care to review the form in detail with the parties. I could tell she was upset at the prospect of giving her children up for adoption and I engaged with her about this decision as much as I could without giving legal advice. She didn’t want legal advice.

She wanted to know whether her consent would lead to an adoption that was irrevocable. The answer is on the form she was about to sign. Yes, generally speaking, once the final adoption hearing concludes, there’s no going back. The adoptive parents are the parents, period.

The other, more personal question she posed was whether or not I had negative feelings toward my Mother as a result of her decision to consent to adoption more than thirty years ago. As I performed an emotional inventory of how I felt about it, I was struck by what a difficult decision this must be, and must have been, for my Mother. The honest answer is that I can’t recall an instant in which I felt pain or resentment as a result of my adoption.

Generally speaking, the adoptions that I now perform as an attorney are happy occasions. In many instances, like the one described above, the adoption merely formalizes the relationships that already exist. I remember going to my own adoption hearing and listening to the Judge tell me how lucky I was to have people in my life who loved me and wanted the best for me. I believed him. He was right.

No matter the circumstances surrounding the adoption, whether a stepparent, grandparent, or other family member adoption, you can count on me to handle your case with discretion and care. I know what it is like because I have been there. That mother did not sign the consent. Maybe she will, maybe she won’t.

If you have questions about how adoption works, give me a call at (251)445-0891, or email me at ron@mcbaylaw.com. I can help.

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