The age-old question, put to music and lyrics by The Clash…”should I stay, or should I go?” Once you hear the words, “I want a divorce,” staying in the marital residence or going somewhere else is just one of the crucial decisions your face during the emotional tempest brought on by the impending demise of your world as you know it.

In Mobile and Baldwin Counties, so long as your name is on the lease or the mortgage, the Judge hearing your case will most likely not force either party to move out of the marital residence while the divorce is pending, so long as there are no threatened or actual domestic violence issues.

You see where I am going with this? All someone has to do is manufacture a domestic violence issue and now you have three related, but separate legal issues: 1. The Divorce; 2. The Criminal Charges; and 3. The Protection from Abuse Order. Now, instead of having some visitation with your children, you either can’t see them at all, or, you find yourself at the Family Center, having your time with your children “supervised.”

As one might imagine, these scenarios mostly involve estranged wives, doing whatever they can to gain an advantage during the litigation. TIME OUT! Domestic violence does exist and it is a terrible experience for those who live through it. If you are a victim of violence, seek help! I routinely counsel my female clients regarding these issues. My advice is almost always, “You don’t have to live in fear or with constant harassment. If you need to, call the police. Just know that: 1. You can’t control the police when they show up, there’s no predicting what will happen; and 2. Domestic violence charges are a game-changer. Your spouse will go to jail and it may affect his/her ability to make a living.”

You may be able to tell where I am going with this. If your spouse wants a divorce and asks you to leave the house while it’s pending, I believe that doing so is generally a good idea. Keep in mind, divorce does nothing to “expand the pie.” By forcing one party out of the home, you are increasing the expenses, but not the income. The person who moves out is also still responsible for paying the bills as normal, but now has new bills to pay. Some folks can’t afford to do that, and my response is, well then, you can’t really afford to be divorced.

Not everyone agrees with my assessment. Here’s a reasonable article that goes the other way:  http://www.huffingtonpost.com/joseph-e-cordell/moving-out-after-divorce_b_5510895.html

It is important to note that, abandonment in Alabama is very specific and just moving out when asked for a divorce does not equate to abandonment under Alabama law. So, back to the question, “Should I stay or should I go?” I say go…but, if you stay, you had better be careful. Any clash might buy you a stay in the metro jail.

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